Ally – Page 39 – A. L. Lester

Nell Iris’ #PetPeeve: Shower Scenes

The shower sex scene. We’ve all read them, right? Romance books are littered with them, no matter if the lovers are gay or straight or somewhere in between. And I get it. I do. Water running in rivulets along a chiseled torso. A drop of water clinging seductively to a nipple, lips wet and inviting. Skin pink from the hot water and hands sliding effortlessly over wet, steamy bodies. Someone being pressed against the shower wall, an aroused groin pressed against an equally aroused groin, chests rubbing against each other all while the warm, seductive water beats down on our lovers’ heads.

You can see it before you, can’t you? Does it make you squirm? Does it make you want to grab your partner and drag them into the shower and give it a go yourself?

Don’t! No seriously. Don’t.

I’m here to tell you that shower sex is not sexy. Every time I read a shower scene, I think Oh God, they’re gonna slip and fall, and that glass wall is going to break into a million pieces and they’re going to land in it and cut themselves to pieces and it will end in a blood bath. Or if our lovers are in the tub: Don’t they know how slippery the tub is? And there’s no mention of a bathmat (of course there isn’t because that’s not sexy) so I squint my way through the scene, holding my breath as I fear someone will slip and bang their head against the tub and the other will leap out to call an ambulance. All this is stressing me out something fierce, making it impossible for me to enjoy it, and I’ve now reached the point where I actively dislike it and it’s become an honest-to-goodness pet-peeve.

Once, I told one of my writer friends about this pet peeve of mine, and she promptly decided to write exactly this scenario: two lovers getting hot and heavy in the shower…and then an accident happens. That’s what friends are for, right? To enforce each other’s fears? 😊

A quick google search on the topic leads me to articles named “How to Have Shower Sex Without Hurting Yourself” and “5 Hidden Dangers of Shower Sex” and “People Share Their Worst Shower Sex Injuries” so my fears are clearly not unfounded. I also found a Reddit thread where the original poster asks for shower sex tips and receives them from experienced Redditors. Advice like “do the sex before washing because soap and shampoo make the floor even slipperier.” Or my favorite: “Swimshoes dude. Seriously.” And the reply, “I second this. After a separated shoulder that I wasn’t able to explain to my family, I really second this.”

This is what I’m talking about! A separated shoulder is not sexy!

But if you’re still not convinced, if you’re on team Sex in the Shower, I have just the thing for you. A suction handle you can hold on to. Or suction handcuffs if you’re BDSM inclined. 😁

And if you, like me, are on team No Sex in the Shower, you might hurt yourself, I’m happy to tell you that all my books are safe for you to read. 😁

Nell Iris graphic. Completely free of shower sex.

About Nell

Nell Iris is a romantic at heart who believes everyone deserves a happy ending. She’s a bonafide bookworm (learned to read long before she started school), wouldn’t dream of going anywhere without something to read (not even the ladies room), loves music (and singing along at the top of her voice but she’s no Celine Dion), and is a real Star Trek nerd (Make it so). She loves words, bullet journals, poetry, wine, coffee-flavored kisses, and fika (a Swedish cultural thing involving coffee and pastry!)

Nell believes passionately in equality for all regardless of race, gender or sexuality, and wants to make the world a better, less hateful, place.

Nell is a bisexual Swedish woman married to the love of her life, a proud mama of a grown daughter, and is approaching 50 faster than she’d like. She lives in the south of Sweden where she spends her days thinking up stories about people falling in love. After dreaming about being a writer for most of her life, she finally was in a place where she could pursue her dream and released her first book in 2017.

Nell Iris writes gay romance, prefers sweet over angsty, short over long, and quirky characters over alpha males.

Buy Nell’s books:

JMS Books :: Amazon

Find Nell on social media:

Webpage/blog :: Twitter :: Instagram :: Facebook Page :: Facebook Profile :: Goodreads :: Bookbub :: Pinterest

The Week that Was

This week has been wild.

person holding yellow and white flowers — Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

First, Littlest’s school was closed because they had a child with a positive test. Then it was open because the child hadn’t been in touch with anyone outside their bubble. Then it was closed because despite that they had a very high viral load.

You may mentally insert your favourite gif of an octopus flailing wildly here.

Next week though…she’ll be back at school from Monday. Talking Child will be going back on Thursday. Apparently they aren’t going to do very much the first week—children are going to have home covid tests twice a week, so they’ll show them how to do that. And presumably implement some sort of catch-and-tame program for the people who’ve gone feral during school closure and need to settle into a routine again.

Let us take a moment to pause and silently applaud all UK educators and send them our silent support. Or vocal support if you know any personally.

Here at Lester Towers this week though…spring is happening. We’ve got snowdrops and daffodils coming up well now; and the ridiculous pigeons are actually making a nest in the bush outside our bedroom window. If they carry on with it I’ll have a prime view of the whole process. They are ridiculously stupid creatures and their nest is more like a pancake of sticks they’ve just shoved in there than anything meant to nurture the next generation of pigeon-kind.

I’ve cracked on with quite a bit of admin type work…I’ve got the two audio books I’ve reclaimed from Audible up with Findaway, listed them on my Author Direct page and they are in the process of rolling out wide, as per my previous post. I’ve done a new cover for Inheritance of Shadows and started the update process for that and sorted out a new version of the paperback. I’ve done some pretty marketing images for both Inheritance and Eight Acts. I did the final proof of Eight Acts and sent out the ARCs.

So that’s quite a bit, really, despite feeling like I’ve spent waaaaay too much time in my pyjamas.

Am Reading

I’ve spent so much time buried in Torchwood fanfic over the last three weeks that I’ve almost convinced myself that I could go and stand in Roald Dahl Plass in Cardiff and see a Pteranodon fly out of an invisible lift by the waterfall thing. Alas, that is not to be. It’s probably a good thing because they’re all always nearly dying, or, in fact, actually dying, and whatever is happening in our lives right now, I can guarantee that Daleks would be worse. I haven’t updated my reading for a while, because #Life, but I’ve also been buried in these various other brilliant stories:

The Hands We’re Given (Aces High, Jokers Wild #1) by O.E. Tearmann

Cover, The Hands We're Given by O. E. Tearman

This epic series is set in a near-future where corporate, right-wing America has become it’s own behemoth of a political entity that controls most of the resources, with oppression and discrimination as standard. The remains of the more liberal, democratic population live in the cracks, fighting a war without end. It’s a grim, dystopian vision of hopelessness and despair.

Obviously our heroes are fighting against the corporations. They are an engaging collection of misfits…found family, getting along for better or for worse, working and living together. There’s excellent Queer rep in both the main couple, who’s relationship growth is the central part of the books, and in secondary characters.

If you like sci-fi, cyberpunk, queer romance, tension and socking it to the bad guys, I think you’ll like this.

Tal Bauer is an auto-buy for me. Queer gritty law-enforcement romantic suspense is my not-so-secret catnip and if there is lots of angst, all the better. Both these hit the spot.

The Murder Between Us

The book starts with FBI Agent taking a risk, putting a toe out of the closet in a strange town where no-one knows him. But then he gets called to a case in the middle of nowhere and it turns out his hook-up is one of the local investigating officers. Shenanigans ensue. A reliably Tal Bauer Tal Bauer book with angst and relationship development playing out against a background of bodies piling up and killer to catch.

The Night Of

So, I stayed up all night reading this, which wasn’t wise, but I couldn’t put it down. There’s angst and mystery and Bad Guys doing Bad Things and although I worked out who the murderer was quite early on, the journey to get there was satisfying and well rounded. Yes, okay, you have to suspend your disbelief that the President of the USA is allowed to toddle around between the White House and his house a few minutes away with only one person on his security detail. It seems a little unrealistic, but it didn’t throw me out of the story. Five stars.

Penhallow Amid Passing Things by Iona Datt Sharma

Really delightful paranormal historical novella set in an alternative Cornwall. Smugglers, Revenue Officers, and a touch of political intrigue that was complex and felt like the tip of an enormous iceberg that left me wanting more–in a good way! The wlw love interest was part of a beautifully delicate dance between magic users and non-magic users and the Revenue and the Smugglers and the greater good and expediency. It was just wonderful.

If you try one new thing this year, let it be this.

Wider availability of audiobooks

Right, I have a New Thing!

As some of you will know, there’s a HUGE fuss in audiobook-world about the lack of transparency in the way Amazon/Audible treats authors. It’s all boring back-room stuff that you can find detailed elsewhere if you’re desperately interested; but what it boils down to is that although Audible is a huge market, it’s not a straightforward one for authors to navigate and that makes me sad and stressed.

So…ta da! Drum roll! Etc! My audiobooks are going wide! I have taken the two 1920s London books down and moved them everywhere else in the entire universe! Inheritance of Shadows will follow later this month. If I can work out how to get them back up on Audible once the dust has settled from extracting them, I’ll do that. New releases will definitely go up elsewhere before they go to Audible.

Audibook Cover: Shadows on the Border — Shadows on the Border Audio

The really, really good thing about this is that I can now set my own prices and have a great deal more control over all of that. I have signed up to the Author’s Direct platform which gives me a level of control that sings to my obsessive soul and also gives authors 70% of the cover price. So if you choose to use that one, you can buy Lost in Time and Shadows on the Border for $7.99 each! You can also find them on all the other apps like Apple, Chirp and Scribd for similar ball-park prices.

Happy listening!

Interview: Luna Tibling

Please welcome Luna Tibling today to talk a bit about themselves and their new release!

Hi Luna, thank you so much for coming along today! Why have you decided to subject yourself to my nosy questions?

I’ve recently released the first 2 books in my LGBT+ romance series, Beyond the Binary! I’m super excited to share my work, and hope it will speak to fellow members of the community and allies alike.

What started you writing?

I’ve enjoyed writing stories since childhood, and would often start random projects with no idea where they were going. I’ve now realised that my passion is writing wholesome LGBT+ stories that are accessible both to those within the community and without.

Where do you write?

I rent a room in a shared house, so that’s where I usually write, but when the weather is good I like to scribble ideas in the park.

What do you like to read?

I don’t read nearly as much as I write, but one of my favourite authors is Jodi Picoult. The way her complex characters speak frankly to the reader has been a big influence on my work.

What are the three books you’d take to a desert island? Why would you choose them?

This would have to be split between one adult novel, one children’s book and one poetry book:

Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult – this is my favourite of her books. It features a woman who separates from her husband and finds herself falling in love with another woman. Opposing views are presented compellingly and the lesbian relationship is treated with great sensitivity.

Green Eggs and Ham by Dr Seuss – did you know he wrote this in order to win a bet with his publisher that he could write a whole book using only 50 different words?

The Complete Nonsense of Edward Lear – Lear is one of the poets who have inspired me most, along with Lewis Carroll, Hilaire Belloc, Ogden Nash, Edgar Allan Poe, Roald Dahl and Spike Milligan.

What do you like to do when you’re not writing?

I do an exercise routine every morning, and love going for walks, especially when I need inspiration. Besides writing, my main creative outlet is acting; I have been a member of two amateur theatre groups for many years. I also like to play the keyboard, but am not especially good.

I love cats too! Who doesn’t?

Tell me a little bit about your most recent release. What gave you the idea for it? How long did it take to write? What did you enjoy about writing it? What did you hate?

Skylar, the protagonist of the series, has many similarities to me: they are non-binary, in their twenties, suffer from depression and write poetry as a means of coping. I had wanted to write a story about a character like Skylar for several years, but I had no plot to go with the raw concept. It turned out that leaving my job to focus my energy on writing was what I needed to be able to develop the idea.

It took me about four months to write the first two books. It was a great challenge, but very rewarding on a personal level: it has been a pleasure to pour my own experiences into fictional stories that represent the LGBT+ community in a positive light. Although a lot of progress has been made in recent years, we still see too much media that encourages people to see LGBT+ characters as nothing more than objects of desire, novelty or simply comic relief.

I don’t stop at having a non-binary protagonist; Skylar is in a polyamorous relationship with a trans man and a cis man, and their friends include a trans woman who comes out during the story, a pair of queerplatonic partners and an asexual person. Some of these characters haven’t been explored in great depth yet, but will be in future instalments.

How I found myself

The introductory novella to the series, How I Found Myself, is available for free here.

Barry is aggressive, abusive and the most prejudiced individual Skylar has ever met.

Following their dad’s premature death, Skylar had hoped that their mum would find a new boyfriend, but she couldn’t have chosen a worse man: it has been clear to Skylar from the beginning that Barry will not accept them for who they are.

Skylar already struggles to fight against their own depression, but now that Barry is in their life to stay, they face the possibility of alienating themself from their one remaining parent. The best hope Skylar has of overcoming both obstacles is the support from their love life, but it would be impossible to reason with Barry if he knew the nature of the relationship…

The tension and uncertainty increase with each day the issue goes unresolved. Skylar will have to face Barry eventually, but how can they do that, and what will be the consequences?

They certainly won’t be doing it alone.

The first full-length novel, How I Found Ariana, can be purchased here

Author: Ally