The shower sex scene. We’ve all read them, right? Romance books are littered with them, no matter if the lovers are gay or straight or somewhere in between. And I get it. I do. Water running in rivulets along a chiseled torso. A drop of water clinging seductively to a nipple, lips wet and inviting. Skin pink from the hot water and hands sliding effortlessly over wet, steamy bodies. Someone being pressed against the shower wall, an aroused groin pressed against an equally aroused groin, chests rubbing against each other all while the warm, seductive water beats down on our lovers’ heads.
You can see it before you, can’t you? Does it make you squirm? Does it make you want to grab your partner and drag them into the shower and give it a go yourself?
Don’t! No seriously. Don’t.
I’m here to tell you that shower sex is not sexy. Every time I read a shower scene, I think Oh God, they’re gonna slip and fall, and that glass wall is going to break into a million pieces and they’re going to land in it and cut themselves to pieces and it will end in a blood bath. Or if our lovers are in the tub: Don’t they know how slippery the tub is? And there’s no mention of a bathmat (of course there isn’t because that’s not sexy) so I squint my way through the scene, holding my breath as I fear someone will slip and bang their head against the tub and the other will leap out to call an ambulance. All this is stressing me out something fierce, making it impossible for me to enjoy it, and I’ve now reached the point where I actively dislike it and it’s become an honest-to-goodness pet-peeve.
Once, I told one of my writer friends about this pet peeve of mine, and she promptly decided to write exactly this scenario: two lovers getting hot and heavy in the shower…and then an accident happens. That’s what friends are for, right? To enforce each other’s fears? 😊
A quick google search on the topic leads me to articles named “How to Have Shower Sex Without Hurting Yourself” and “5 Hidden Dangers of Shower Sex” and “People Share Their Worst Shower Sex Injuries” so my fears are clearly not unfounded. I also found a Reddit thread where the original poster asks for shower sex tips and receives them from experienced Redditors. Advice like “do the sex before washing because soap and shampoo make the floor even slipperier.” Or my favorite: “Swimshoes dude. Seriously.” And the reply, “I second this. After a separated shoulder that I wasn’t able to explain to my family, I really second this.”
This is what I’m talking about! A separated shoulder is not sexy!
But if you’re still not convinced, if you’re on team Sex in the Shower, I have just the thing for you. A suction handle you can hold on to. Or suction handcuffs if you’re BDSM inclined. 😁
And if you, like me, are on team No Sex in the Shower, you might hurt yourself, I’m happy to tell you that all my books are safe for you to read. 😁
About Nell
Nell Iris is a romantic at heart who believes everyone deserves a happy ending. She’s a bonafide bookworm (learned to read long before she started school), wouldn’t dream of going anywhere without something to read (not even the ladies room), loves music (and singing along at the top of her voice but she’s no Celine Dion), and is a real Star Trek nerd (Make it so). She loves words, bullet journals, poetry, wine, coffee-flavored kisses, and fika (a Swedish cultural thing involving coffee and pastry!)
Nell believes passionately in equality for all regardless of race, gender or sexuality, and wants to make the world a better, less hateful, place.
Nell is a bisexual Swedish woman married to the love of her life, a proud mama of a grown daughter, and is approaching 50 faster than she’d like. She lives in the south of Sweden where she spends her days thinking up stories about people falling in love. After dreaming about being a writer for most of her life, she finally was in a place where she could pursue her dream and released her first book in 2017.
Nell Iris writes gay romance, prefers sweet over angsty, short over long, and quirky characters over alpha males.
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LOL…
Once, I told one of my writer friends about this pet peeve of mine, and she promptly decided to write exactly this scenario: two lovers getting hot and heavy in the shower…and then an accident happens. That’s what friends are for, right? To enforce each other’s fears? 😊
Would that be Amy? Wasn’t there a broken bone involved in the scene? Heheh…and that’s her fluffy series!
Honestly the whole idea gives me the the wiggins, too…more so as I’ve got older. I worry about the poor people falling over and breaking a hip :).
Yes, Addison, of course it was Amy! Who else?? 😂