Writing and Allyship Around Non-Binary Gender

Writing and Allyship Around Non-Binary Gender

This was first published in Romance Matters, the magazine for members of the (UK) Romantic Novelist’s Association, Autumn 2020. It was intended as a very brief guide to introduce writers to the subject, but I think it also stands as a good introduction to people wanting to understand more about the gender spectrum, regardless of whether they’re writers or not.

Non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, agender and bigender are all descriptions of the fuzzy middle of the gender spectrum and people who sit there may choose any of those labels. 

The main thing to remember about all types of gender diversity (transgenderness) is that it is about how you feel inside, not about how you present to the outside world.  

I generally present as a short, round, grumpy middle-aged lady with purple hair, however I am feeling. This is probably because I only worked out what was going on for me in my mid-forties and I’m used to bottling it all up. Other people feel more comfortable presenting as masculine one day and feminine another. Some people present as androgynous all the time. It’s about where you need to be for mental comfort, not a fashion choice.

Good Allyship

There are no standard pronouns to use for non-binary people. As a good ally, what matters is using the pronoun people ask you to and not making them feel excluded by using gendered language. Some non-binary or gender neutral people like to be called he or she. Some prefer they. Some use zie or xe or per. A few people use ‘it’ and lots of people find ‘it’ offensive. Apart from that, the other way to make gender diverse people feel less uncomfortable is to try to use non-gendered language. ‘Children’ instead of boys and girls. ‘Parent’ rather than mother or father. ‘People’ or ‘folks’ rather than ‘ladies and gentlemen’. 

Writing

Obviously then, given all the fuzziness, there are no absolutes for fictional  characters. I’ve written three books now with non-binary protagonists. In first one (Shadows on the Border) I experimented with all the pronouns under the rainbow and in the end I changed pronoun depending on POV. Some characters saw my MC as male, some as female and some as neutral. The character sees themselves as ‘they’ and uses ‘they’ for everyone, because they come from a gender-neutral culture. My 1780s historical romance with a non-binary character (The Flowers of Time) was more difficult. Although my character is born female, she definitely feels herself to be gender-neutral. I decided in the end to work within the historical framework and stick to she and he pronouns. 

If you create your character and you aren’t sure you’ve got it right, think about finding a sensitivity reader to give you some feedback.

Finallyplease ask if you are unsure what pronouns to use for someone. Very few people will mind a good-faith question!

Further Reading

#AmReading

#AmReading, Ally is reading.

This week, three gay romances. Dystopian sci-fi from Manna Francis, alt-historical magic from Jordan L. Hawk and a reworked fairytale by Kim Fielding.

Mind Fuck, The Administration #1 by Manna Francis
Mind Fuck by Manna Francis

I’m so late to Manna Francis–they’ve been recommended to me time and time again and I’ve only just taken the plunge because I suspected that when I did I’d end up having to buy the lot. They’re definitely my bag… spy stuff, ethical dilemmas, a dystopian future that you can see has roots in how we are now. I love the world-building and I like the way the characters are grey, but still likeable. Thoroughly recommend, like the other two thousand plus people who’ve left reviews :).

Blind Tiger, The Pride #1 by Jordan L. Hawk
Blind Tiger by Jordan L. Hawk

This is a new series set in the the Hexworld universe. You don’t need to have read any of those for this to make sense, although obviously if you have, you already have a handle on how the universe works. This is a slow-burn romance between two very different people who are both hurt and vulnerable, set against a background of an alt-1920s Chicago run through with shifter-magic. Shifter big cats running a speakeasy? Yes please, sign me up. Wounded heroes finding love that they had given up on? A tick in that box, too. A happy ending? Yep. And more books in the series to come… yay!

Gravemound by Kim Fielding
Gravemound by Kim Fielding

This is a reworked fairytale in a sci-fi, magical setting, which sounds odd until you read it. A space-crash survivor comes to terms with the loss of his partner and is welcomed by the low-tech society he finds himself marooned in. It’s a story of loss and renewal and finding your family and your place in the world after displacement. It’s a lovely little novella. I really liked the blending of high-tech and magical/paranormal elements. As is often the case with Kim Fielding, there’s a bittersweet coming-to-terms element to the happy ending.

That’s it for this time!

Interview: Kristin Noone

This morning, Kristin Noone is here to chat! Welcome, Kristin! What brought you here this morning?

It’s always fun to hang out with Writer Friends! But, specifically, “Celebrations,” the newest bonus story for my Character Bleed trilogy (trilogy? three novels and two bonus stories so far, and a planned spin-off novel…) just came out earlier this month. So we’re…celebrating!

What started you writing?

I’ve always been a writer – my mother will tell you about me writing a five-page story in kindergarten, all about the Tooth Fairy bringing a tiny unicorn to a little girl instead of money! The stories’ve always been there, to some extent. 

I did less fiction writing in college, mostly because I was too busy and also learning to write good academic essays and articles, but in grad school I sort of accidentally fell into fandom (I’ll admit it: Supernatural) and very shyly started writing and sharing fanfic…and then people seemed to like it…and I thought, you know, maybe I’m not bad at this…? And I still had tons of original characters and ideas in my head, and I’d got much better at dialogue and story structure and world-building and romance, so I thought maybe I’d try writing something original, and just see where it went…and now I’m published! Which is still a very neat thing to think about.

Where do you write?

I like to be comfortable, so usually at home on the sofa – or sometimes upstairs in the office if I don’t want interruptions! Often there’s a large black cat sleeping next to me and occasionally yelling for food.

What do you like to read? 

All sorts of things! I read for my day job, too – as an English professor – so on any given day it might be an academic study of folklore in the later Middle Ages, or a re-read of Shakespeare’s Macbeth, or Robin Hood ballads from the sixteenth century, or paranormal romance (I love K.J. Charles and Gail Carriger), or historical romance (Cat Sebastian is wonderful, and Eloisa James is always fun) or fantasy in various flavors (everything from Terry Pratchett to V.E. Schwab to Leigh Bardugo to Hope Mirrlees). 

I also like reading biographies and histories for fun – especially if they’re outside my usual writing and research eras, so I don’t have to think about them in terms of work! I just finished a biography of Julia Child that was absolutely fascinating.

What are the three books you’d take to a desert island? Why would you choose them?

That’s such a hard question! So many choices! I suspect this answer will change on any given day. 

Today, let’s go with…first, The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien (I’m counting this as one!), because it’s so lush and so dense and so vivid, from the countryside world of the Shire to the drums in the deep to the sacrifices of Frodo and Sam, and there’re so many moments to live in; second, The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle, because it’s heartbreaking and bittersweet and hopeful and beautiful; and, third…oh, this is difficult…at this moment it’s some sort of three-way tie between the first book in K.J. Charles’ Magpie Lord series (because I love Stephen and Lucien as characters, and the world-building and romance are both fantastic), Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice (Persuasion is actually my favorite, but Persuasion is a more melancholy story, I think, and P & P is quicker and more lively, if I can only have one!), and Terry Pratchett’s Night Watch, which is my favorite Discworld novel, such a brilliant character and ethical study, woven with heart and humor and love.

Writing is an intrinsically solo occupation. Do you belong to any groups or associations, either online or in the ‘real’ world? How does that work for you?

I’m not in any formal writing-specific groups – though I am part of several author groups, especially for LGBTQ+ authors and speculative fiction and romance authors – because I’ve never been good at writing at specific set times, as in collective writing sprints and such! My daily schedule can vary a lot, so flexibility is nice. I do have some author friends that I check in with, and we talk about how things are going and what we’re working on. (Which sometimes turns into collaboration!) And, though I’m less active in fandom circles than I used to be, I’ll still sometimes hop onto those accounts and share ideas or snippets from a work-in-progress, and see what people think – and if there’s a lot of enthusiasm for something, that’s good motivation! 

What do you like to do when you’re not writing?

Let’s see, if not writing or reading…we do have Miss Merlyn the big black cat, and she requires a lot of attention! Aside from that, the Awesome Husband and I do jigsaw puzzles for fun – there’s such a sense of satisfaction about fitting a piece into place! – and also tabletop board games; we like collaborative games like Forbidden Island, Elder Sign, Pandemic, the Legendary series, and so on, where it’s not about attacking other players but more about working together to solve a problem. And we like good craft beer, so we can often be found at a local craft brewery, especially if they’ve got a new bourbon-barrel aged stout…

Tell me a little bit about your most recent release. What gave you the idea for it? How long did it take to write? What did you enjoy about writing it? What did you hate?

“Celebrations” is the second bonus story for Jason and Colby, the main characters in my Character Bleed trilogy! (Well, really each book in the trilogy has always come with at least one bonus story or short extra…a film review, characters doing a commentary track for their movie, two Grumpy Old Men side characters finding love with each other…but there are two bonus stories that were long enough to be released separately.) 

Jason and Colby are some of the most ‘real’ characters I’ve had living in my head, and they’re both such giant nerds – it’s something they bond over, in the trilogy, while on set and being actors in a historical gay Napoleonic Wars drama and slowly falling in love. They both love fantasy, Jason’s a Dungeons & Dragons geek, Colby does fantasy-inspired calligraphy for fun and totally knows how to bake Elvish bread…so I really, really wanted to send them to a Comic-Con. Of course they’re also working – promoting a new movie – and it’s also very hurt/comfort-y because Colby’s still not great with crowds, and I have a terrible weakness for hurt/comfort tropes. So all of that was wonderfully fun. Plus they’re properly married now – jumping ahead just a bit in the timeline – so Jason gets to be all sappy and emotional, at least in his head, about calling Colby his husband. He’s a big soft very muscular romantic at heart, really.

I wrote “Celebrations” pretty quickly – it’s short story length, so around 13k, and the first draft only took a few days. I’ll admit I almost always loathe writing closing lines; I feel like I have a tendency to keep writing words when the ending should be short and clean and memorable. So that part’s usually hard. I think this one came out okay – I mean, I wouldn’t be happy with it if I weren’t…happy with it! – but I do worry about it! Still, any time you can end with elf-inspired fan art…

Celebrations
Cover: A character bleed story. Celebrations by K. L. Noone

For two successful actors, the convention circuit’s part of the job, but for Jason and Colby, it’s a challenge.

Jason’s been a convention guest before. But he’s never let himself relax and enjoy it, too busy being an action hero to indulge his dice-rolling, fantasy-loving, science-fiction geek side. And Colby loves the idea of conventions, but has never been to one. He’s not comfortable with crowds and contact and demands, especially not these days.

But they’ve got a very epic, very gay, new fantasy movie to promote. So they’ll navigate panels and photos and excitable fans together. And at the end of the day, Jason can give Colby some much-needed comfort … and together they’ll discover how much fun this new adventure can be.

Buy Celebrations: Amazon : JMS Books

the week that was: The Year of Hell

The Week That Was

I haven’t done one of these for a while so it seemed time for some personal stuff. It’s not really a #WeekThatWas, more a #YearThatWas. It was one of the formative years of my life, if not the formative year.

Mr AL and I have a year that we describe as The Year Of Hell. Partly because we are Star Trek Voyager fans. And partly because, well, it was.

We had Talking Child in autumn 2007. It was all rather unexpected. We’d just completed the rigorous two year adoption procedure and were about to be matched with potential children. When we discovered I was knocked up, we were delighted on the one hand and on the other a bit confused, because we had put all that work in to getting ready for a family in one way and now it was happening in another.

So, TC arrived and that was great. And because I was knocking on a bit, we thought it would be a good idea to try to ride that alleged post-pregnancy fertility and go for Littlest. To our surprise, this worked when Talking Child was three months old. Go me. Yay. At age thirty-seven, at the beginning of 2008, when I’d resigned myself to never having a tiny baby, there I was, not only with a tiny baby, but with another one on the way. I was exhausted, pitifully sick and with awful, awful post-natal depression. Retrospectively I have NO IDEA why any of it seemed like a good plan. But eh, hormones.

At the time, Mr AL and I were working together in the audio-visual industry, mostly doing work for conferences. It came as a genuine surprise to me that no-one would let me climb ladders whilst pregnant or with a baby strapped to me in a sling. Mr AL still trotted off to work for days at a time and left me in rural Wales with the baby, climbing the walls. He couldn’t understand why I was virtually bonkers each time he came home from a tour.

And then, because the post-natal depression was so debilitating, I didn’t keep track of who had paid us and who hadn’t. A big customer that we trusted screwed us over. They got us to do a second large job for them before they had paid us for a large job a few weeks earlier and then they went bankrupt. They knew it was coming and they hung us out to dry, owing us about thirty grand. They opened up under another name a few weeks later and we had no recourse. That left us with a small baby, me unable to work because of small baby/pregnancy/depression, and an enormous mortgage on our idyllic rural house.

And then there were the deaths. My Pa died. He was elderly and it was expected. I was still devastated. I nearly went in to labour in the Chapel of Rest when I went to say goodbye. Then the mother of a dear friend died. That was unexpected and terrible. And two friends in their forties died out of the blue, one from a brain aneurysm and one from a heart problem.

We lost the idyllic house in our own bankruptcy, three weeks before the second baby was due. We found somewhere to live, but it was a very near thing. Mr AL crashed the new-to-us car Ma had given us money to buy and wrote it off. In the autumn, Littlest was born with pneumonia and at eight weeks old was on a ventilator. We spent the winter going back and forth to hospital in ambulances, with her on oxygen. We fell out with Mr AL’s parents in a comprehensive and horribly damaging way.

Littlest, back from hunting, with her walking frame, rifle and camo face paint.
Littlest, May 2013, back from hunting, with her walking frame, rifle and camo face paint.

If I had to have a do-over for a year, it would probably be that one. But having said that, I don’t know exactly what I’d do differently. I feel very strongly that what happens to you forms you as a person. I love my life and my beautiful family as they are, despite the difficulties we face.

Plus, that was the year that did a great deal of the excavating of the inner me. I don’t take bullshit from people as easily these days and I am more cautious who I trust. If someone lies to me, I cut them out completely. I am more vocal and I stand up for my family more quickly and perhaps too aggressively. When you’re under that amount of stress, friends you thought were close turn out to not be so close. People you weren’t close to become closer.

I don’t think any of those things would have happened as they did or in the same way if The Year Of Hell hadn’t happened. So, 2008, you sucked. But good things came of you, so you can stay.

#AmReading

#AmReading. Ally is reading.

Today I’ve got gay space romance, a dystopian trilogy with extremely good trans representation of secondary characters and an alt-nineteenth century straight magical romance!

By Imperial Decree by Angel Martinez
Cover: By Imperial Decree by Angel Martinez

Cheerful gay space romance.

So, I don’t usually get completely sucked in by Cinnamon Roll characters! But this time, I have, utterly. Marsh is a space-station mechanic who finds a runaway prince in the ship he’s been told to bring in for salvage. The prince is hiding from various things…his mother, over-enthusiastic, dangerous suitors, his life generally. Shenanigans ensue. It’s a lovely, cheerful read and Marsh is so nice it would usually make my teeth itch, but for some reason he doesn’t. There’s, a minor appearance by  his parents, space-orchard-managing non-nonsense ladies who made me grin constantly. Recommend!

The Rampart Trilogy by M. R. Carey

Eventually hopeful dystopia with great trans representation.

This a hard sci-fi trilogy, I guess? Set in a future dystopian UK where genetic engineering has made the trees and animals so inimical to human life that the diminishing population is isolated in little villages that are held together by the remains of technology they don’t really understand. The main character is a young person just reaching adulthood at the beginning of the first book, who begins to question everything he’s told about how both the tech and his society works.

One of the things I found fascinating was that it’s initially set in West Yorkshire, which I hung around in quite a bit in my college years due to a boyfriend from Halifax (or Half Ax as it’s called in the story). I spent quite a while translating the dystopian names back to the towns and villages they’d evolved from. However, even if you aren’t familiar with The People’s Republic of Yorkshire, this will suck you in.

The second thing I loved about it was that it has absolutely brilliant trans rep. It’s clear from the acknowledgements that M. R. Carey did their research and they perfectly capture some of the the different levels of dissonance and dysphoria trans people can experience. Thirdly, it’s a rip-roaring story. It’s just…perfect. And fourthly, the covers. The covers are beautiful.

So, that’s why you should read them!

Spellswept (The Harwood Spellbook, #0.5) by Stephanie Burgis
Cover: Spellswept by Stephanie Burgis

Alt-nineteenth century straight romance. With magic!

This is a lovely little romantic prequel to what I understand is a series featuring other characters. The world-building is fascinating, an alt-nineteenth century-ish world with women wielding political power and men wielding magic. But what happens if that isn’t a hard-and-fast rule and things can change?

I really enjoyed both the characters and the premise and I’m interested in reading the main series.

More next time. I have lots to catch up on!